Two Noisy Knights

Kingdom Tales Kickstarter Campaign: Two Noisy KnightsSir Bumpkin was long and thin and farsighted. He was always tripping on roots and bushes and stones because he couldn’t see the danger that was near. Sir Pumpkin was round and short and nearsighted. He was always getting stuck in tight situations, because he squinted to see the danger that was far off.

The two knights always attended Ranger councils in the Ranger Lodge. At the end of each meeting, after all reports had been made and all tales had been told, the Ranger Commander would ask for the pledge to the King. He would shout, “How goes the world?”

And all would answer back, “The world goes not well! But the Kingdom comes!” each Ranger, to a man and woman, raised his hatchet and vowed, “To the Kingdom and the King!” Then they marched from the lodge to take up watch or to go on patrol.

The two knights would shout these same cries. They would draw their swords from their scabbards. Then they would rush from the lodge with the others—and lead their horses to a large stone. Bumpkin, grunting and groaning, would push the heavy Pumpkin into his saddle. Then Pumpkin, in turn, would pull the gangly Bumpkin into his. Often, one would drop a sword or banner.

“Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!” they would shout. “You over there! Would you mind getting my sword (or banner)?”

If no one seemed to be around, they yoo-hooed all the louder. When no one appeared, one of the knights would have to climb down, and then mount all over again.

By the time both knights were seated on their steeds, the Rangers would all be gone. The lights in the lodge would be dark, but Pumpkin would shout anyway, “Onward! Onward under the banner of the King!”

But alas, they never seemed to find the service they sought, for the danger was always over when they reached the scene.

“It’s the spirit that counts,” Sir Bumpkin reminded Sir Pumpkin one day when they were both feeling a little low. So they made up a spirited song.

A Ranger is a Ranger is a Ranger.
His shout is dreadful bale.
He keeps the park from strangers
With his awful, mighty hail.
 

Wouldn’t you know that on this very afternoon, they engaged the enemy. Or at least, they thought it was the enemy.

“Halt! Who goes there?” cried Sir Pumpkin. His weak eyes couldn’t quite make out the man running hurriedly up the path, but he thought he could see clearly enough to know that the figure was carrying a weapon.

“Halt?” questioned the man. “Why, it’s me. The Baker.” The Chief Baker was hurrying from the kitchen with three loaves of hot bread fresh from the oven balanced on a baking paddle.

The two knights thought he said, “A Breaker.” Breakers were the Enchanter’s huntsmen. Everyone in Great Park was thankful when Rangers caught these spies, so the knights had visions of glory.

“We’ll teach you a thing or two,” yelled Bumpkin and reined his steed to one end of the path. Pumpkin clattered to the other end, then turned toward the Chief Baker in the middle.

Both knights fixed their visors. Both steadied their jousting poles. Both horses pawed the ground. Both breathed hot air from their nostrils.

“Charge!” screamed Pumpkin. “On we go!”

To read the rest of this story and many more stories like it, go here and back our Kickstarter campaign to revise, re-illustrate, and re-publish the Kingdom Tales Trilogy.  If you want to order the classic, original editions, go here.

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